Etiquette Tuesday (Wednesday)-As Seen on SomeoneSpoilMe.com

Since I am posting this on Wednesday, instead of Tuesday, as of late, I am sharing 2 Etiquette tips today: The +1 Debate, and Whom to Invite to the Rehearsal Dinner

I chose to highlight these etiquette tips for two reasons: 1) Years ago I was attending a wedding with my +1, and at the last minute I was asked to not bring him due to a seating situation. 2) I faced "whom" to invite to the rehearsal dinner debacle.  I will share what SomeoneSpoilMe.com says, and then I will offer my advice.


How should I handle Plus 1’s at my wedding?

Here’s the deal… this will always be a sticky situation so it’s best that you and your fiancĂ© come to a decision on how to handle this and stick to it. You obviously invite the following people with a date: any who is married, engaged, living with their significant other or been dating them for years. If you think your best friend’s boyfriend of six years is terrible yet she is completely smitten, she should still be invited with him even though you find him to be painful.
Then you go into the murky water of singledom… Weddings are a great place for people to meet, so if you have a lot of single people attending you probably don’t want to invite them with dates. First off, if you somewhat seat them together they will have built in friends for the night and who knows what can come from that; secondly, you want to avoid turning your wedding into a collegiate date-party. If you are only going to have a couple of single people you may want to reevaluate. It all boils down to numbers and, keep in mind, consistency is key. So, if one is invited with a date, then they all should be.

As I mentioned at the top of the post, I faced a +1 situation when I was in my dating years.  I was far from walking down the aisle, and had been dating this guy for over a month, rather smitten as I was.  I replied to my friend's wedding with myself plus my guest, unknowing, as I look back, if I was supposed to include my boyfriend.  I had no idea, I just thought, well when you ask me, you ask him as well to come.  I had no idea of any wedding etiquette, and realized years later I should not have included him in my RSVP.  I wasn't thinking, they had a set number of guests they are working with, etc, I was thinking of course I'm going to bring my boyfriend!
Well, the bride was very sweet, and her coming to me to ask me not to bring him took a lot of strength, a feat nobody really wants to do, but she had to do it.  I was the ignorant friend who didn't know any better, and I appealed to her request.  I was left feeling a bit blue to attend as one of the single guests, but, I enjoyed the evening anyway.  
When I was faced with inviting my own guests to my wedding, regarding the single individuals, I only addressed to the receiver and not "Receiver and Guest".  That is how it worked, and it worked great to avoid any awkward conversations.  Getting married in my early 30's vs. early 20's, and my friends in the same age range, most know etiquette by now, and knew if there was not "receiver and guest" to not include a guest.  

Who should I invite to the rehearsal dinner?

You do not want to compete with your wedding with an over the top rehearsal dinner. It’s best to keep it somewhat intimate (if possible) and definitely more casual than the following night. In terms of the guest list, it is customary to invite everyone who was at the rehearsal (wedding party, immediate families). Also, it has become somewhat customary to include out-of-town guests.
I agree with this recommendation, to a point.  I agree that whomever attends the rehearsal, due their role in the ceremony, should be invited to the rehearsal dinner, plus their guest.  This, for all brides, saves on time and stress.  


I don't agree with including out-of-town guests, because you could have a ton of out-of-towners coming to your wedding, and this can double your rehearsal dinner budget, whether you are paying for it, or someone else.  
An option you could pose to out-of-town guests would be to meet you out at a specific bar in town well after the rehearsal dinner is over.  This will make them happy, and not feel left out.  But really, most OOT guests don't expect to participate, unless they are involved in the ceremony.  Leave them a city map in their OOT gift bags to suggest your city's hot night spots, etc.