{Advice} What's your Love Language?


Love Language is "the primary way of expressing and interpreting love"-Dr. Gary Chapman. Learning what your Love Language is, and that of your partner, especially before you marry, is a great way to fully understand your partner better, and understand how they communicate and why they communicate in a specific matter.

Learning which love language matches you and your partner will help you throughout your entire relationship.  Communication is key, and once you learn which suits you, will help guide you through any situation, negative and positive.

Here are the 5 categories of "Love Languages":
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch
There is an online quiz to gauge your love language, and makes for a fun little Sunday afternoon activity.  
Click here for the quiz.  Each person can take the quiz quietly, answer as honestly as possible, tally up the results to reveal your love language, and read the definitions, and see if it makes sense.  Then, you can compare with your partner's results, and now you both can figure out how to better communicate knowing where they are coming from.  

I will share my experience here, having learned the Love Languages:

When I first learned of the "Love Languages", it was at our pre-marital class for the Catholic church.  We had to go to this course, and while at the time I was not up for it, it was a requirement, and afterwards, I was so glad we did it! The best advice learned from that class came from the "Love Languages" aspect!  And since, I have always reflected back upon the lessons learned in finding out my husband's love language to better communicate in any situation.

My result was "Physical Touch", my husbands was "Receiving Gifts".  My husband looked at me with a sparkly eyes, "you like to be touched, huh?"  I looked at him with white eyes, "You like receiving gifts, huh?"!! We giggle now, but then, we were like why are you so greedy with touching and getting gifts!

As we've been married nearly two years now, still very young in our marriage, many situations have arose where I reflected upon the "Love Language" to pull us back to reality and out of an argument. Whenever I've been feeling emotional, and my husband gives me space, I tend to ask why he isn't more "supportive", when he is in emotions and words.  When he doesn't understand why I feel so distant, I remind him of our "Love Language" class, and how I might need a hug, rather than giving me distance.  Poor guy, he's dealing with quite an emotional wife, and his first reaction is to give me space, rather than arms.  When we've had a fight, and a point comes where we don't know how to communicate, I do bring this point up, and he embraces me with those warm arms.  He's not just hugging me to shut me up, its us realizing how deep our love is, arguing doesn't help, and taking a moment to hug takes the stress away, centers us, and we move on from the negative aspect of the communication, and it turns into a positive resolution.

Other times when he is speaking my love language is when his hand is on the small of my back while walking in public, or putting his hand on my thigh when he drives.  No words, just the tender touches, he speaks my love language fluently. 

Likewise, I have learned "gift giving" isn't all in the sense of giving material gifts.  It might be in me cooking his favorite meal, suggesting he have time chill in his "man cave", leaving notes in his suitcase when he travels, finding ways to sneak in his favorite sweet where he least expects it, etc.  He is so appreciative of me remembering his love language, and keeping it in the forefront of my mind.  It might sound like a lot of mental work, but marriages do take work, work that we are willing to commit to, and do so by exchanging vows.  My husband is the most important thing in my world, and whatever it takes for us to have a happy marriage, even in touch times, I am grateful of this tiny quiz, which speaks volumes.  

I'm not promoting the "Love Languages" website or products, I am merely suggesting to take the quiz, or one similar, with your spouse to be.  Be honest with your answers, do the quiz at the same time, without communicating, review your results together, and learn how to speak their language fluently.

I hope you find this helpful and useful, and brings you added comfort to learning a bit more about the psyche of your to-be-spouse!